Alright, that may be a bit of an overstatement, but it is pretty darn close.
The first 3-D movie I ever saw, Robert Zemeckis’ Beowulf, sucked. Real bad. The animation was choppy and mostly unpleasant to look at (animated Anthony Hopkins’ eyes still haunt my dreams). Every 3-D effect was some gimmick that involved an arrow being shot straight at you. And maybe most importantly, Zemeckis’ take on the Beowulf story was awful. Even Angelina Jolie’s digital ass was not enough for me to derive any enjoyment from that dreadful experience.
Beowulf felt entirely like an excuse to throw shit at the audience in 3-D. The special effects came first and the story, what little there was, came a distant second.
So when I stood at the ticket window last night deciding whether to shell out six bucks for Up in 2-D or go for the full package with the 3-D ticket, I was understandably hesitant. But screw you Robert Zememckis, I was feeling adventurous.
“Give me the glasses!,” I shouted at the poor schmuck behind the counter, stuck there at 9:30 p.m. on a Tuesday night.
“That will be 12 dollars,” he responded, clearly deriving some pleasure off the fact that while he was working at a movie theater, at least he wasn’t spending a week’s salary on children’s movie.
I then kicked him in the balls and ran into the theater without paying his ridiculous asking price. Or I wish I had. Instead I emptied my wallet onto the counter, took my oversized 3-D glasses and slumped into the theater, mumbling to myself that this better be the best damn thing I’ve ever seen.
Fortunately, it was.
