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The Hurt Locker: Get Your Nerves Ready

I only heard about The Hurt Locker this past weekend, after talking about Generation Kill with a friend. (Speaking of Gen Kill, see it now if you haven't. The box set is only $27 on Amazon.)

So I saw the movie this week having read no reviews, seen no trailers, or heard much about it except its critical acclaim and general topic.

I expected it to be sobering; I didn't expect to be so rattled. For the entire two hours and eleven minutes, you're never given a reprieve. There is certainly quality humor in here, but, far more than in Generation Kill, the levity is brief and heavy. I came out of the theater exhausted.

In The Hurt Locker we accompany three men of Bravo company, whose job it is to defuse IEDs (Improvised Explosive Devices, if you don't follow the news) in Iraq. If the most tense moments of action movies come when a character doesn't know what bomb wire to cut, imagine doing that for a living. They are also involved in a long, harrowing sniper shootout and a very bizarre brawl. All the actors - in particular Jeremy Renner, who plays the bomb tech - are outstanding.

It is being hailed as the best action movie of the year, and I don't dispute that. But it is also the anti-action movie, to the extent that Hollywood doesn't make action movies like this. You won't feel thrilled, it doesn't headline major Hollywood names (although Ralph Fiennes, Guy Pearce, and (bizarrely) Evangeline Lilly all have brief cameos), and the violence is visceral, not a spectacle. You genuinely have no idea what will happen at a given moment.

So please go see The Hurt Locker. Just be ready for it.

More Autotuning the News

I want to join this crew. They are having way too much fun.

[Ezra Klein]

The Truth is ... Just as Strange as Fiction

In the first piece of entertainment news out of Bolivia since Butch and Sundance were killed, a Bolivian news station broadcast photos of Oceanic 815 breaking up over The Island as the ACTUAL FOOTAGE OF AIR FRANCE 447'S CRASH. 

No, the smoke monster wasn't in the footage, nor was a polar bear running out of the jungle. But there should have been other clues that could have tipped the news crew off:

In their rush to air exclusive photos of Flight 447’s destruction, no one in this newsroom stopped to ask the logical questions, such as: 1) How did the camera survive? 2) Why are the photos in wide-screen format? The answers, of course, are: 1) Because the footage is from Lost. And, 2) because the footage is from Lost

Enjoy: 

[kottke]

Alice, in Wonderland, and on Shrooms

We all know that Tim Burton makes some dark, trippy stuff. But the latest photos out from his upcoming Alice in Wonderland adaptation are fucking freaky.

In case you can't tell, that's Johnny Depp to the right as the Mad Hatter.

But I'm guessing like all of Burton's stuff, once you get past the initial shock and revulsion, you'll be in for a treat. The cast is pretty much as good as they come (Helena Bonham-Carter, Anne Hathaway, Alan Rickman, Christopher Lee, Michael Sheen, Crispin Glover accompany Depp), and when it comes to imagination (particularly important for this movie) and artistic direction , you can't beat Tim Burton.

Slated to come out next fall.

[Guardian]

Just take a deep breath…

And then watch this. Possibly the most horrifically, comically sad video of all time. This is from the Letterman protest the other day and it will either make your afternoon or ruin it.

One of the best parts of this video is that they all claim to be Leno fans. If there ever was a reason to be thankful he is gone, this is it.

Although, “do you know what schmuck means in Jewish?” is pretty excellent. We really are a nation of crazy people.

The end of the decade is approaching. Quick, make lists!

We're going to be getting a lot of these lists over the next six months. Here at BlingBang I'm sure we'll throw in a few of our own.

Here is a good one from Variety: the best TV of the decade.

My choices?

Drama Series: The Wire
Drama Actor: James Gandolfini
Drama Actress: Edie Falco
Comedy Series: The Daily Show, no question
Comedy Actor: Alec Baldwin (though Buster or Tobias from Arrested Development really should have been nominated)
Comedy Actress: Tina Fey...although I haven't watched most of the shows these nominees were in.

Quality, quality decade. Well done everybody.

[Variety]

Life makes me sad sometimes

As I type this I am feeling physically ill. I am not joking. My stomach actually hurts from watching a TV show. This is a first.

I’m a Celebrity: Get Me Out of Here is the most repulsive, intolerable television program of all time. I had it from a very reliable source that it was bad. Really, really bad. But I had to see for myself. So as a test of my mental fortitude and intestinal strength, I wanted to see how far I could take it. It couldn’t be that bad right? Right? Right??????

Well, I made it two hours—the two most horrendous two hours of my entire life. I’ve had meningitis, I’ve broken my arm, I’ve had a spider bite me in my inner ear (true story), and none of those horrifically painful experiences can compare to how terrible it was watching the first two episodes of I’m a Celebrity.

Now, you may think I’m overreacting but I dare you to try to watch this show for yourself. I watched the first two episodes on Hulu, so feel free to give it a shot. If you make it to episode number three, I’m not sure I want to know you.

I could rant for hours about this disaster of a television program, but instead I’m going to break it down to the five reasons this show is the biggest piece of trash to ever make its way to network television. Congrats The Swan, you are off the hook.

Why Up in 3-D changed my life

Alright, that may be a bit of an overstatement, but it is pretty darn close.

The first 3-D movie I ever saw, Robert Zemeckis’ Beowulf, sucked. Real bad. The animation was choppy and mostly unpleasant to look at (animated Anthony Hopkins’ eyes still haunt my dreams). Every 3-D effect was some gimmick that involved an arrow being shot straight at you. And maybe most importantly, Zemeckis’ take on the Beowulf story was awful. Even Angelina Jolie’s digital ass was not enough for me to derive any enjoyment from that dreadful experience.

Beowulf felt entirely like an excuse to throw shit at the audience in 3-D. The special effects came first and the story, what little there was, came a distant second.

So when I stood at the ticket window last night deciding whether to shell out six bucks for Up in 2-D or go for the full package with the 3-D ticket, I was understandably hesitant. But screw you Robert Zememckis, I was feeling adventurous.

“Give me the glasses!,” I shouted at the poor schmuck behind the counter, stuck there at 9:30 p.m. on a Tuesday night.

“That will be 12 dollars,” he responded, clearly deriving some pleasure off the fact that while he was working at a movie theater, at least he wasn’t spending a week’s salary on children’s movie.

I then kicked him in the balls and ran into the theater without paying his ridiculous asking price. Or I wish I had. Instead I emptied my wallet onto the counter, took my oversized 3-D glasses and slumped into the theater, mumbling to myself that this better be the best damn thing I’ve ever seen.

Fortunately, it was.

Keyboard Cat: The gift that keeps giving.

I love Keyboard Cat. I really do. In the world of internet memes, Keyboard Cat may be my favorite. Suck on that Dramatic Prairie Dog.

Anyway, the above pushes the awesomeness of keyboard cat to a new level. Watch it.

As a bonus, the best Keyboard Cat video linked below.